i dont really care for a title, this post was so bipolar..

Cant wait for Christmas!!!

I get to see my amazing bf.  That is the main thing Im looking forward to.  I didnt realize how hard long distance relationships are.  I love him and thats what matters, but there are days when I wish I had his arms to run into, days when I wish he was there to hold me.  That is so hard for me to admit to myself since I pride myself in independence, but today definitely was one of those days. 

It was one of those days that makes you question everything.  And yet he wasnt really there.  He doesnt really understand when I need him I guess.  But I am attempting selflessness.  And I feel like crying and breaking down, but I am faking happiness, at least to get through this week... Then I can allow myself the downward spiral.  So heres to the next three days actually... Then vodka..

I dont know if I should open up and tell him the thing that is killing me inside, Im told that it gets better.. One can only hope...