Thursday, November 18, 2010

Upset And Slightly Unreasonable.

I am feeling pretty alone.

Why do men have to be so thick?  Why am I afraid to tell him how I feel?

Im in a monogamous, long distance relationship.  Which is fine, if he could call me a little more.  I love him.  He is the only person that I have ever really said that to.  And it scares the crap out of me.  I suppose that if this is the biggest issue that we have then I should be happy.  We see eachother about every two months.  And poor guy doesnt realize that Im already entertaining thoughts of marriage, but this really upsets me.  I know that guys dont get hints.  You cant drop them and expect them to read your mind. (I mean this isnt rocket science though) But he doesnt seem to understand and I am having trouble expressing myself. 

The more I hear other people and the less I hear his voice. the worse it gets.  The more alone I feel.  I know that it isnt the same as every other douce bag Ive dated.  I know that.  But the ghosts the left along with lingering other factors form a deep fear.  I fear that I will never truely be loved, that Im giving more and it isnt important to anyone, and then theres the fear of cheating.  I know he wouldnt cheat, he would break up with me first.  And he knows me well enough to know that if he breaks up with me he would lose me forever. Im quite jaded, I realize this.  And he is thick. Hes beautiful, amazing, wonderful, sweet, and smart.  Hes everything Ive ever wanted and everything I never knew I wanted.  I cant see myself with anyone else.

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